An Open Letter to The Monster Who Preyed Upon My Son, You’re Not Fooling Anyone Anymore.
It’s taken me a long time and a lot of soul searching to muster the courage to write this letter, and even more to make it public. But there comes a time when we must confront our fears, and for me, that time is now.
Dear Monster in my life,
Did you think I’d never find out? Or did you just think that if I did, there would be nothing I could do about it? You must have actually thought you could abuse your position of trust in my family and take away the innocence of my child without recourse. Think again. You may have fooled everyone who’s ever known you into believing your lies, but it stops here.
I have not addressed you directly since I found out. It’s time you heard from me. While you pretended to love my husband, my children and I, all the while you were letting your sickness seep out into our lives like a poison, corroding the minds and hearts of those same souls who trusted you. I never trusted you. Not now, not then.
Just because you came into my life appearing kind and weak, I knew you were hiding something. I can forgive myself for having a trusting heart, giving an outsider a chance to love me and my sons, but I can never forgive you for betraying that trust. Mine has been misused by my own blood in the past, so I treaded lightly as I gave it to you as a gift, even after I felt the first nagging feelings that perhaps you didn’t deserve it. I watched how you loved my husband; with stipulations, conditions and a never-ending stream of guilt, and I assumed these were typical in some families. I accepted the warning bells in my heart and quieted them because I did not want you to bear the brunt of the sins of others. And as I got to know you better, I slowly let down the walls that had instantly armored my heart even from our first meeting. I can’t fully explain why, but I suppose my heart could. See, it knows better than I when to protect itself, and I am learning now to trust it, above anyone or anything else in this world. You fooled me, but you couldn’t fool my heart.
Did you wonder how you got caught? One word- love. A mother’s love extends so deeply to her child that no amount of fear, lies, manipulation or secrets could keep that love from exposing the truth. You never had a chance. He may have been your special boy inside your twisted mind, but he will always be my child in his heart and in mine. That bond is preserved beyond what any evil can try to break apart. The pure and honest love for a child, the kind of love that runs through his veins and gave him life, that is what conquered you. It gave him the courage to expose you. He felt truly safe in our love, and it erased any doubts you have ever cast in vain onto his heart. Because just like mine, his too, always knew the truth about you. No matter how many times you desperately tried to replace me and his father’s love with your unspeakable behavior, you failed. No amount of attempts at gaining an innocent baby’s trust by cunningly showering him with gifts, attention and special recognition could weaken that bond. He knew. You could not be trusted.
Speaking of his father, how could you? How could you destroy that sacred bond? To unravel the trust of a man who did nothing but love you his entire life? He fought for you. He protected you. He stood up for you when I had my doubts. He stood up for you as his hero who gave him everything she couldn’t. He did the best he could, he’d often say to me. You have shattered his heart into a million pieces. But don’t worry, I have been there to pick them back up again. It’s healing, as is mine, and it’s stronger than ever now, because your poison has finally been removed. You may have been his whole world once upon a time, but that time is long over. He has our family now, a family that has been our anchor through this storm, a storm we’ve weathered together. He is my whole world, and unlike yours, it comes with no strings attached and no secrets. He sees you for what you are. Your son is the strongest man I know, and is showing our son how to be strong too. Perhaps you think I should thank you for that? I only thank you for giving him a reason to be strong against the evils of this world, by showing him they existed within his own walls. Somewhere along the way, his young heart knew he was in the midst of something dark. Something he could not look up to, as a boy should be able to look up to his father. And instead, his heart found an inner strength of character, and a deeper faith that he could be better than your example. And he is. He is one million times the man you will ever be, and our son is so lucky to have what he never did.
You are nothing to this family but a forgotten soul. An example of how good will always conquer evil. We are fine. We will be fine, as we live by faith that people get what they give. We are happy and at peace. You will never know what that feels like. My family is stronger than ever, and it saddens me that you will remain nothing but a bad memory. We only get one chance in this life to choose to be good to each other. You threw yours away. Maybe you can’t help it. But maybe you can.
A year later, and your manipulations disguised as seeking pity from the very hearts you’ve torn apart, are little more than feeble and transparent attempts to lure us back into your sick world. We’ve moved on.
For a year I have decided exactly how I want to feel about you. I’ve been angry, hurt, numb, devastated, sad, even sorry for you. It’s taken me a year to pull myself back out of the rubble that you left. I want you to know that I don’t hate you. Hate is reserved for those I care enough about to repair and restore that hate back to love. I feel nothing for you. I only hate that it took so long for the truth about your lies to come out. Thirty years is a long time to live in shame. How many more hearts have been shattered by your selfish manipulations? I need you to know that whatever your history that may have led you to become a predator, I don’t care. It doesn’t matter how or why you ended up this way, we all start and end at the same place, its the choices we make in between that define us.
You certainly must have thought you were clever, abusing your power once and getting away with it. Protecting and serving until you were caught doing neither. How many more hearts did your actions hurt after the first time they were exposed and then swept under the rug? You thought you could outsmart the truth then, and maybe for a while you did. But lies can only run so far. This time, your past caught up with you and you were outsmarted, by a five year old with a heart as pure as gold. I have this saying that has proven itself true over and over again-
lies are like bubbles in the water, they have no choice but to surface.
Yours finally did, and this time, there’s not a rug to be found.
But maybe you’re not a monster after all. Maybe you are nothing more than just a sad and broken soul beyond repair. I’ve spent a lot of time being angry at you for creating this nightmare for me and the ones I love most in this world. But as I have had this year to reflect, to call you a monster gives you a power that you don’t deserve. You deserve nothing.
I am saddened for my family, who has had to experience the clutches of evil fist-hand, in the form of a twisted, pathetic excuse for a human, masking his demons behind a pitiful exterior, consumed with spinning guilt and hiding truths to satisfy unfathomable desires. But at least now they know evil really exists, and that it takes many shapes. And for that I take comfort in knowing they’re hearts are armored and prepared the next time evil tries to enter their lives, because as sure as the sun will rise, it will.
I am saddened for my son, that his tender young innocence was taken. But rest assured, much like a mended heart, it has been rightfully returned to him. You cannot damage something you claim to love without leaving permanent scars. But his are being tended to by a love that is real, more potent than any pain you’ve created, and that cures all. Those scars will never define him.
I am saddened for my husband, that everything he thought he knew was a lie. But thankfully now, by the grace of God, everything he knows is truth. Our life is intact and held together by that truth, along with the strength of love and honesty- and it will stay that way for as long as we live. We are happy, and we will be ok. You cannot ever take that from him, or any of us. You didn’t win, because evil never will.
You are sick, deceptive and weak. I wish nothing but for you to live out the remainder of your life stewing in your tormented thoughts of what you’ve lost, completely and utterly, alone. I am certain that the same God who has saved my family from this nightmare, will surely spare his wrath on you, because letting your guilt eventually eat you alive is worse. You alone must live with the weight of what you’ve done. So give up. You are not welcome back to cause more damage with your distorted reality. You are not the victim of your victims. And by the way, you’re not fooling anyone, anymore. We can all see right through you.
To those reading this I have a very real warning: Beware the wolves in sheeps clothing. For they are the most dangerous kind. The kind who will stand at your door, innocently begging to be let in, and if you hesitate for even a moment, to consider whether to shut them out or shut them in, you may just turn around to see they have already decided for you. The best defense? Call animal control. Never second guess a gut instinct. Sheep don’t go after other sheep. And lastly, don’t keep rugs in your life.
With nothing left to say,
The woman who has your son’s heart,
and the mother of grandchildren you will never lay eyes on again.