Don’t Have Mercy On Me

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Don’t have mercy on me.

Mercy is shown to those we want to see thrive. Who we want to strengthen; to show unselfish love.

It is just another weapon, disguised to soothe the very wounds we’ve inflicted, when offered arrogantly, selfishly, conditionally, falsely.

I do not want the mercy of any whose goal is to thrive on my pain. Mercy is not your stepping stone; it’s my ladder. If you don’t understand this, you need only look beneath your feet.

I choose to surround myself with love that is unconditional. I’m done with the rest.

I choose only this one kind of love. The kind that doesn’t hurt, have rules, is self-serving or misguided.

I choose to give the kind of love that is worthy of the same.

I choose to be a sister. To those who know me well enough to accept me. Who understand me and believe in me. I choose to remember that with judgement only comes isolation.

I choose to have many sisters. Those I can fall with, rise with, and who want an imperfect sister to do the same with. I have chosen well.

I choose to be a mother instead of yearn for one.

I choose to stop looking in the wrong places for where I lost one, or in how I tried to create one. I focus instead on giving everything I am to being a real one. The rewards of looking forward and not back are invaluable. I have chosen well.

I choose to be a friend to those who need me, not those who use me. I choose to work hard to accept the faults of my friends as quickly as they accept mine. I choose to let the intentions, not the results, define my friendships. To lift up my friends as they lift me. I have chosen well.

I choose to surround myself with a peace; of mind and heart.

I choose not to let wickedness erode that peace, no matter how attractively it is cloaked. Perfectly polished words have the sharpest edges.

I choose to love my family; the one I’ve created and that has changed over time. Made from the ones who’ve walked in who are real. The ones who chose to come in and stay; and the few who were already here waiting for me.

I choose to value the family I’ve pieced together with choices, more than the few created with bonds, and not dwell on the others. The choosers who have arrived or who’ve stayed, are more of a family than then a few of those I was born by happenstance to know. I am content with my created family and know I have chosen well.

I will not let guilt choose who stays in my life, or bitterness choose who goes.

I will choose love to guide my actions and keep my strength and help me show my children the same.

I choose to give out what I want most. And I choose to give it to those who deserve it and will appreciate it. I want back the same, and will only accept as much as I am willing to give.

I choose not to let the words of the wicked destroy the love I feel from the actions of the good.

So you don’t need to have mercy on me.

I choose a beautiful life. One that I build by the mercy, grace and unconditional love of those who live here with me. A real family that is mine to give everything to.

If you cannot understand how to build yours to be a beautifully chosen life; then it is I, who has mercy on you.

May you find your own peace in this life someday. Forgive yourself and build again. This is all I can offer to you.

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Photo credit: Elle Images