Who Will Remember What I Give Away?

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Photo Credit Tony Bruguiere

If I die tomorrow my family will miss me, my company will replace me. Its not all puppy dogs and kitty cats. Husband, half of my heart.

Sometimes I wonder why I dwell on life as much as I do. Our existence, our connection to each other, the point of it all. My husband is so right. His smarts are just one of the million reasons I love him. Sometimes he says things in such plain English, I feel like someone slapped me on the face and woke me up from a deep sleep. And for the record, I don’t think life is all puppy dogs and kitty cats.

Am I trying to change the world? I can’t.

Am I trying to make a difference? I won’t.

Regardless of how much I may want a softer, kinder human existence with tolerance and love, especially for my babies as they realize what they live in; I understand that my words will very likely be lost to the wind as quickly as they are spoken, written, thought. And that is ok by me. If I do nothing to change this world, I am fine with it. That truth won’t stop me from trying.

If I died tomorrow, my family will miss me; the world will replace me. Every choice I’ve ever made will eventually fade away in the relentless sun, because it will keep beating down day after day, long after I’m no longer around to feel its warmth and see it shine.

Besides, what if the world was changed only long enough for the while I’m here to see it? After that, since it will keep turning without me, and my change will just become part of change again, then maybe I should just give up now. Be content with what I have already offered, and what I’ve already done. Take from this existence, only what other hearts will make, and other hearts will offer. Be content with only what others have changed for me.

Consume, but not contribute. Think I’ll give my best eventually, but hide that most of it for most of this, is going to be just enough. To get by. I mean, getting by is pretty good.

Science may have found a cure for most evils; but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all – the apathy of human beings. -Helen Keller, a human willing to try anyway.

If I fear anything about this era of human culture it’s this: we have all come to accept that we must consume to belong; we ought not create anything, especially that may last. Ideas. Change. Difference. Purpose. Why bother. Its all designed to be fed to us now. Maybe it always was. We aren’t supposed to think of more. If we do, its so brief we don’t know what to do to show you so you will see. So we don’t. Don’t stand out. Consume versus Create is here. Clear which one has won already, just look around.  A profile polished to be seen, but its glossed over by the rest trying to show theirs. So just give up. Keep taking. Soak it in. Don’t think. The worst thing you could do is try to change the world, contribute. Open your eyes.

Why do I write? For me. For you to read and tell me if I’m good enough by reading still. I’m just waiting to find out if I am. But if you stop reading, I must keep writing, for me. So I suppose I won’t wait to hear you tell me in the end. One day, many years from now, my family will miss me but you will forget me.

What do you do? Has anyone really seen you? Because that’s all that matters, right? Being bold is doing something important and seen. Being important is to be bold enough to be seen doing something without trying to show it. Everyone wants to be important. So few of us are bold.

My family and I started doing something recently around the kitchen table, mostly on the weekends. After we eat, we spend a bit of time together in what we call the “Screen Free -Think Tank.”

The purpose? To pause for a brief moment, the consumption. Of other’s words, their thoughts, their opinions, this world. To look up from the starving carefully directed herd. To start creating. Contributing. Changing. To find a difference for ourselves, and put it in the place in our hearts where we usually receive and accept all things fed to us. It can be anything, as long as its created from our own thoughts. Something simple, something amazing. My babies think this is stupid, silly, special. We think it’s kind of important. Even if it never leaves our kitchen table. Something not fed to us, but by us. So it matters. Don’t try it for yourself. Its not going to change the world or anything.

cowboy herd

Photo Credit Joel Sartore

One of the best Mark Twain quotes I’ve ever heard, and that I hold in my heart is this one. Just some guy I never knew. Whose words were so bright, they wouldn’t fade in the sun-

The two most important days of your life are the day you are born, and the day you find out why.