To Tickle your Listicle: 12 things that are socially acceptable now, that weren’t when we were kids

1. Text fights, text apologies.

2. Birthday greetings to everyone you’ve ever met. (No excuse for forgetting the grocery clerk’s birthday anymore.) Just be prepared to write a unique happy birthday greeting about 200 times per year- the average number of friends a typical person has on Facebook.

3. Condolences online, mandatory. Funeral attendance, optional. Same rule applies to congratulations for baby showers, engagement parties and weddings.

4. Major life milestones announced to grandma, 3rd grade teacher, husband’s uncle and best friend’s ex boyfriend simultaneously with one click.

5. Photos of what you are doing in real time. Look at my car that just went through the car wash, lunch, Secratary’s day gift, baby in a baby beret giving me the baby bird, marathon t-shirt covered in sweat and party balloons, hotel pool from the vantage of my chaise lounge in the Caribbean, but all I am showing you is the empty hotel pool, and not the actual Caribbean.

6. Hashtags no longer mean the number sign. On top of that, its ok to misspell and misuse the words in a hashtag; it makes you look ironic.

7. Pregnancy, gender reveal, and newborn pictures done so creatively, that it becomes your goal to have your photo re-pinned at least 5,000 times and show up in your newsfeed months later, upon which time you can tag yourself and take credit for the idea, even if you did originally find it on Pinterest– but not using the same props, so its totally different.

8. Sending a tweet out to brag that you just saw the back of a famous person’s head while at the airport.

9. Sending an Instagram out of the back of a famous person’s head from 20 feet behind in said crowded airport, filtered in Lo-Fi so the head really stands out against the grainy zoom of the phone camera.

10. Having social media accounts for your pets. Having pets who have more followers than you, and their own hashtags.

11. Being “friends” with 13 year olds, as long as they friended you first. And their parents know. Ok, even then, this one just weirds me out.

12. Sending intimate texts to your husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend. Receiving one back from your co-worker, cousin, sister and the Craigslist guy selling that overpriced truck. Nobody thinking anything much out of the ordinary of the mishap.

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